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in front of the lava ocean entry plume (Photo: Ahia
Dye)
Written in the third person.
What Houston Does:
Houston Wade is a student of Astrophysics, Geology and Geography studying at the University of
Hawaii at Hilo. He is not kidding about this. Not only is he getting three degrees but he will also
graduate with between 4 and 6 minors. No joke. Really, he's done that much school and still hasn't
graduated... It's pathetic really...
It is very likely that when Houston's two major works: The Dynamics of Electron Spin Probabilities
and The Theory of Super-Adiabatics are finally published he will win a Nobel Prize or two. Until then
enjoy his other pastime--bitching.
Where You are Likely to Find Houston:
Houston is from Bainbridge Island, WA. A bedroom community that is just a ferry ride from Seattle's
downtown. While he is not currently living there he still considers it home and will someday return
for the locals to once again bask in his glory. In the Summer there is a good chance you find him
there (possibly at the The Pub).
During the bulk of the year, however, you are more likely to find Houston in the dumpy little sugar
town of Hilo on the Big Island of Hawai'i. Hilo is a rainy, depressing town full of unemployed
meth-addicts, home to the most successful Wal-Mart in America and countless college students
who are fazed by their most unfortunate predicament of finding themselves not in Honolulu--This is
why UH Hilo has a whopping 11% freshmen retention rate.
Another place you might find Houston is in a politics forum or chatroom destroying conservative
myths and beliefs on a regular basis. Challenge him if you dare. He gets a kick out of out of
pointless arguing.
Who Some of Houston's Heros are:
Houston's greatest respect and consideration goes to the now deceased Seattle talk radio host Bill
Gallant. He was the most wonderful genius and powerful debater Houston ever heard and just
ripped the ignorant new ones all over the Northwest..
Houston 's favorite president is Woodrow Wilson.
Houston's favorite guitarist is Kim Thayil of Soundgarden fame.
Houston's favorite teacher of all time is Mr Eric Hoffman a master of high school social studies.
In Houston's opinion Buckminster Fuller and Nikola Tesla are two of the greatest Geniuses of the
last century if not of all time.
Houston has a very diverse family full of weird eccentrics and had a childhood that swam in
nerddom...
As for big chunks of Houston's childhood they can be catagorized as follows:
Early Childhood: Happy, got boots stuck in mud puddles in driveway a lot, no pets, loved
"He-Man".
Bulk of Childhood: Happy, rode Norco BMX bike everywhere, had an awesome dog named
Foufer and a cat named Chi Chi, voted for Dukakis in the children's voting booth during '88
election, listened to Sir Mix-A-Lot way before everyone else, loved "GI JOE".
Adolescence: Happy but a troublemaker, started to like boobies a lot, started to make the lives of
undeserving authority figures a living hell, was a child of the Seattle Grunge Era, loved "Where in
the World is Carmen San Diego" (Remember, he's still a nerd).
Teen Years: Enjoyed high school tons... Until new assistant principal rose to power and Houston
was force to make his life a living hell, was class president a couple of times, really liked the
boobies, loved "Mystery Science Theater 3000".
Post High School: Almost attended UC San Diego but instead was hit by car, almost became a
dot.com millionaire but was victim of dot.com bust, went to Olympic College, met Al Gore during
2000 campaign and offers pointers (Al doesn't listen) went to Seattle Central Community College,
played professional baseball in Austria, went back to Seattle Central, met Al Gore again and says,
"told ya so," and Al shrugs shoulders, attended Lewis & Clark College and played more baseball
there, dog and cat both die at ages 16 and 18 respectively, transferred to UH Hilo where he is
today, loves "Battlestar Galactica".